“Tears come from the heart and not the brain.”

                -Leonardo da Vinci

This is a different type of post for me but one that I hope will resonate with you.  Before I start, Aurora stays stable and is still battling nausea and exhaustion. We continue to have Sunday night visits with Luna which is a weekly highlight.  We aim to keep upbeat, but last week was especially challenging.  It was a week filled with tears. Yesterday I learned a childhood friend passed away; so many people I know are grieving this week.   It made me realize life is short and everyone experiences sadness, sometimes extreme and like a punch in the gut.

I notice that when people show emotion and cry in front of others, or I cry in public, we are quick to apologize for it.  I wanted to write this post because crying matters for so many reasons. Where there is grief there is love. If you cry in front of me, I’m going to hug you, not because I want you to stop but because I see the love you feel. I will absolutely be crying in front of many of you in the future, and I want you to know that its not your job to fix.  Just give comfort, a hug or a reassuring word. Your job is to feel awkward and be there anyway.

Whenever someone is crying don’t rush to stop their tears. Saying things like, “don’t cry” can unintentionally dismiss their emotions. Crying is part of healing and grief needs a release. Stopping someone from crying can make them feel like their pain is “too much” for others. Crying releases toxins from the body and creates endorphins. This is why we always feel calmer after a good cry. The next time you cry remember it’s your bodies way of healing from the inside out.

When someone is crying try not to “make it” about you. Avoid shifting focus with “I know exactly how you feel” or launching into your own story of loss. Even if well intentioned, it can overshadow their grief.  Just be in the moment with them, people need space to be heard, not compared to. My last piece of wisdom is do not use clichés, it’s toxic positivity. Phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” don’t make anyone feel better. Instead, you could say, “some things are random and devastating.” Saying “They are in a better place now” can just feel dismissive, no matter how kindly said.  Try saying “They’re gone and it’s unfair.” Grief isn’t a problem to solve; it’s a journey you walk beside them in. Crying is universal, an emotion shared around the world. It’s time we normalize it as a strength, not a sign of weakness.

Remember to have a good cry if you need one today. Love you all.