A subtle distinction exists between many words, and we frequently find ourselves navigating these nuanced differences in our lives.  I seem to walk between many and one that comes to mind lately is the thin line between optimism and denial.  Optimism is holding hope that something is going to change, and miracles can occur every day.

Denial serves as a protective mechanism, allowing the mind to gradually process overwhelming realities. Accepting the full extent of a situation at once can be too much for the brain to manage. When optimism fades, denial becomes a refuge, and the boundary between denial and reality can fluctuate. It’s important to give people the time they need to process their emotions rather than pointing out their denial.

Aurora won’t be coming home.  We are staying in the hospital, making her as happy as we can.  She now must rely on IV morphine to keep her comfortable and that’s not something we can do for her at home. We need the extra support that we get here. Some days, she’s so tired she sleeps all day. She at times is confused and can’t remember things that have happened. At other times, she’s up and alert. Giving herself a manicure, creating tattoos for people or shopping online.  Every day is a different day, and that’s just where we are now. We leave the room less often, so we are here when she’s awake, and hold her hand when she sleeps.

Since we aren’t leaving the hospital, we are trying to make her time here as special as possible.  We have decorated the room with comforts of home.  We have been able to make some Bucket List items happen here. She had her hair done (Thanks Aunt Tracey) and a couple of fake tattoos drawn on.  She also had a special visitor from home.  Murph, Hudson’s community resource dog, came to visit us.  We hope to achieve a few more before time runs out.

Lately I have been very grateful for the work William, and I have put in over the years on communication.  We have been talking a lot, asking each other hard questions about how the next few weeks might go and how we will continue to show up for each other.  Thanks to those who have reached out to William and asked how he is doing, or what he might be needing.  I think it’s sometimes easy to forget he’s losing his sister and how close they have always been.

It’s surreal to think that planning a Memorial service has been on my mind a lot. I’m glad that Aurora and I have talked about what she wants. There is a list of rules she wants everyone to follow of course. There are things we still haven’t talked about but I’m hoping I have the courage to bring them up soon. I know these posts aren’t always the positive news people want to hear, but this is the reality for us.  I appreciate everyone who continues to follow along.  We Love you all.